DAD: I just want to say, first off, that you all suck so bad.
ANDY PETTITTE: I never wanted to be on this team in the first place.
DAD: Well, I didn't want you on my team, either, asshole. But I was drunk at the draft, and I thought you were that other tall, brown-haired Yankee pitcher, the one who does crosswords. That's who I wanted, you Yankee shit.
JOHNNY DAMON: I feel like you play favorites, and you're really mean to the Yankee players.
DAD: How can you say that? I built my entire team around A-Rod! He's my star player! He used to play for the Mariners! I love him!